Tonight was a little reminder that my actions affect others. It was also a reminder that I still have a long way to go but that it gives me something to work on.
I’m anal. Let’s just get that out there. Depending on the situation you know me from i’m either “katie from marketing”, happy go-lucky, totally lax. Or, anal, wound up, snob. Hm, one of those images is not something i want to portray. Perhaps the second one is a tad exaggerated. But it reflects me and school. I value school a lot and I value my marks. Lately I have been stressed about everything that is due this week and not being able to work on it because they are all group assignments.
So i did what I always do. I started on my own. When the group met for the first time I already had my little plan and outline and direction. I didnt’ even think about it until tonight, when there was a flow chart that needed to be done and I thought i wasn’t being clear enough (again, I wasn’t being clear enough, because of course, I need to explain everything and not let others just do their work) so I just started to do it myself….and then finished. I then wisked it off to the group member not thinking anything.
Wrong. She was really hurt and rightfully so. I had done something that wasn’t mine to do. She (and possibly the rest of the group) had felt like she didn’t have a place in the group and was feeling like she was slacking. And here I was thinking that I hadn’t done enough yet.
I need to just relax and trust people. All my group members are solid, hardworking students.
This is an area that I’ve always struggled with but it didn’t usually matter because people just let me do everything. I need to be rebuked when I do this. I am thankful that she did so. These are not qualities of a good leader. I want to edify the Body and to create an atmosphere as an upper year student where the gifts of others can grow and foster.
Tomorrow is my CNS evaluation. I hear what both my supervisors and my peers all think about me. I’ve spoken to two people after their evals and neither were extraodinarily happy. I am praying for a good attitude and an openness to constructive criticism.