Monthly Archives: January 2007

last day o’ the month

Pretty much I just want to post today to get another post in this month. I’ve noticed that many others have been more prodigious bloggers than I and maybe I’m competitive, maybe I feel a bit boring.

Well, this post likely won’t help.

But I plan to be joining a Bible Study on Thursday nights. It looks like there will be some people who are well-versed in their Bibles and at least one person who is still unsure about this Jesus guy. I’ll fit right there somewhere in the middle.

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Tagged

ooo, this is a fun game. So miss Beth tagged me on her blog (which i would link if I wasn’t having a brain far). The tag means that I should:
-grab the nearest book to me,
-turn to page 123,
-read 4 lines down
-record the next 3 lines
-tag 3 people

The nearest book to me is easy, its on deck waiting to be read before sleep time.

“for example, informed consent requirements seek to protect institutionalized populations, such as hospitals patients and prisoners, from being coerced into medical procedures or acting as research subjects; due process requirements are meant to protect public…”

Three lines from “Policy Paradox: The Art of Political Decision Making”
by Deborah Stone

Its a very good read, it touches first on the broad topics of equity, efficiency, security and liberty and how they can be interpreted in the political realm and also how they can be expanded and contracted depending on the viewpoint one takes. It continues onto the use of symbols, numbers, causes, and interests that politicians and groups use to influence outcomes, elections, polls, etc. Finally a section on Solutions which I have yet to reach so I will not try to summarize.

oh, the rest of that sentence above is “aid recipients from arbitrary termination”

oh oh, the tag-ees. Lisa, Silas, and Shelly.

Attilio Berdusco Dec. 5 1929 – Jan. 21 2007

He was my mom’s dad and my Nonno. He had seven younger brothers and sisters who really saw him as the head of their family. He had four other children and 11 grandchildren besides me.

I must say that being the oldest grandchild I probably had the opportunity to spend the most time with him and to know him the best. My grandfather was always hardworking and as a member of the Rotary Club he ran our local science fair for years and helped to organize the winter carnival. This year he was inducted into the hall of fame at his former university in Michigan. As a young engineer at the age of 26 he designed and oversaw the largest underground blast (at a mine in Northern Ontario) in the entire world. I didn’t even know that until last year though and, while it makes me proud, that isn’t why i loved my nonno.

–He used to sit on the edge of his bed and give my sister and I each a comb and some hair stuff and we would just go nuts doing his hair, making it stand straight up or twisting it and he would always look in the mirror and admire our work.
–One of my favourite things to do with him was feed the ducks. On a nice day we would get ready by filling grocery bags with popcorn and then drive down to bellevue park to spend all afternoon feeding the ducks and watching the deer.
–I love to learn. Even though he wasn’t able to read well for the last three years he still gets a National Geographic subscription so that I could read them.
–He would always fill up an old pill jar with jelly beans when we would visit and let me pick out all of the orange jelly beans.
–He liked to cook and would often be up at 4am making pancakes or starting on dinner. We would have to try to distract him on Thanksgiving so that the turkey wouldn’t end up in the oven 8 hours before dinner.
–He called me Katie-girl

I like country music (no this is not a side note) and a song by Randy Travis says “it’s not what you take when you leave the world behind you, it’s what you leave behind you when you go”
Now that my nonno is gone he has left a huge family that misses and loves him and a great deal of the community that has benefitted from some of the good work he has done.

la he hecho

I have done it! Applied to spend the Fall semester in San Rafael, Argentina. The application is due January 26th and I had been putting it off for over a week because it required me to answer questions about previous travel experience (very little), how I would adapt to a new culture, etc. Well today i finally submitted it, played up my experience in Calgary (oh, poor me, we had to arrange our own phone, internet and find a job….i’m so independent).
The next part of the application involved a language proficiency test since the university in San rafael is all Spanish and I will be taking classes in spanish! I tried to prepare by speaking with friends, a girl on exchange from Mexico came over yesterday and helped me (try explaining Christian denominations in spanish!). So I go in prepared to do a full oral exam and barely had to speak a word of Spanish. I had the professor last year for Spanish and he just gave me good marks from what he knew and it was over in 10 minutes. Check! My Spanish in-proficiency will not keep me from travelling.

Now I wait until march 1st.

In my Head

Last night I had Beth Fisher in my head.

Well it felt like she was in there. We had a phone date which first involved a lengthy period of time to adjust volume and comment on how dorky we felt. It was over msn so I had my microphone in one hand and headphones on. I kept having to speak up whenever the sound cut out and she would remind me not to hold the microphone so close to my mouth (apparently no one wants to hear my breathing!). Overall I think if the technology improved a bit (I hear google talk is clearer) I could get used to talking like this. Oh, and its free which was a nice bonus.

Tip: if you take one ear piece out it doesn’t feel quite as much like creepy surround sound

Dreams

For the last month or more I have been experiencing very vivid dreams that I am fortunate enough to remember almost every morning. Some defy explanation. Allow me to recount a few:
–I was in a trade show with many C4C people and there was a booth with really nice TVs that everyone was checking out. Next to it was some workout equipment and on one of the TVs a video was playing. It was a series of professional body builders telling their stories of how they were unable to make it in the professional world without a well-known coach and sponsor. Some of them wept because they had put so much energy into training but only made it so far.

–another weird one: my family and I decide to fly to Ghana. When we arrive there are women walking through the small towns with thin plastic tubes coming out of their arms and blood dripping slowly from them onto the ground. Then (as a common theme in many of my dreams) I decide I have to use the washroom. I find one nearby but the stalls are so short that when sitting I can see over the top of them. I hear people talking and look over to see Graydon and the two girls on his team in the washroom. I had to do some quick thinking “do I say Hi? Its rude not to but its so awkward that i’m going to the bathroom right now”. I decided to say hi.

–last night an excerpt from my dream entails running out to the middle of a giant field behind our house (one I have never seen before but it was mine then) where some chairs were set up as we waited for Winston Churchill to come in a plane. When they arrived the plane towed many trailers and was pulled by a canada goose. All the while I was marveling and the fact that i didn’t know that old Winston was still alive. I dont’ remember actually getting to meet him but his posse all dressed in old english garb came out to greet us.

How is that for strange? Ok, no one has a monopoly on weird dreams but I just don’t want to forget these ones!

Protestant Guilt

Being from a Catholic background I thought I was familiar with guilt. However, at least that guilt came with a clause whereby I could utter a few half-hearted hail mary’s and be on with it (not meant to be an accurate depiction of the Catholic faith, just my own experience).

The last semester (or last 8 months I suppose) God and I took a little break from each other. It had come to the point where I couldn’t remember what having faith felt like and I was tired of trying to reach God. I still had all of the head-knowledge but couldn’t say whether I believed it. Strangely enough I can say that I believe that if there is a God then it is the Christian God and that Christ came to earth to save us from our sins but it really is true that knowing it intellectually isn’t the same as knowing it ‘in my heart’. It has taken some time but I can see that a large contributor to this time of disinterest in my faith stemmed from extreme guilt. This guilt was surrounded by performance guilt. Sharing my faith was not something to do because it changed my life so wholly that I could not help but tell others but out of obligation. Failure to do so with my family caused great distress, especially when I would go home and instead of focusing on improving my relationship with them and showing them God through my life I would be looking for chances to slip in the whole gospel but each time shying away.

Assurance of salvation, another concept that I could teach but not accept. The guilt of teaching it to others and even the shame of being involved but constantly doubting my own salvation made me ask God why he would give some the ability to accept this gift and not others.

Another confession: I dislike Christian literature. THe early Christians had the Bible and the teachings of elders and others but they didn’t need to emmerse themselves in John Piper to make their faith relevant. But everyone is constantly reading all of these ‘how to be more effective at sharing your faith’ books and the guilt would set in because I didn’t feel like I could be a good or productive Christian unless I got joy from reading these. I have so little time to read, what if I just want to learn about science and art and history too?

So I have taken a step back. I thought that I would just get over this lull and continue mostly where I had left off but that wouldn’t have solved any of the questions I have or reassured me. God and I are starting to talk again, slowly. I am not going to actively seek to share my faith, I may not even yet refer to myself as a christian (should a christian not represent Christ? I do not wish to misrepresent him while I am seeking myself), I am not going to try to read books on evangelism or tithing or anything else except the Bible. I’ll go to churh. I may not worship, I may. I am seeking a relationship with Christ. If and when this becomes a reality in my life, if and when I can say that I love Christ as my saviour (I never could say this, thus another source of guilt and questioning) then out of that love I will call myself a christian and I will share my faith with those around me.

Here goes the great experiment. I will be standing at the door, knocking.

Two Deep Breaths

Deep Breath #1: School just started and I’m already wondering how I will ever get all of this done. I think I enjoyed having four classes last semester way too much; I must now pay my dues. At least I am exceptionally excited about Spanish and (drum roll, please) LINGUISTICS! I can’t wait, it will be fascinating. I can even keep the textbook for ever and ever. It is actually looking like more work that I expected from a first year class but I can’t complain.

Deep Breath #2: I had a few moments of “where is the world headed??” and “these are the people who will be running the country?!?” in my marketing strategies class. It is difficult to write about this through my disgust and embarrassment to have been witness to such a sad sight. A girl had brought her tiny tiny (I thought there was a size limit for mammals?) dog to class in a very expensive looking puma bag (which I’m pretty sure was either made just for dogs or maybe skates) that matched her packsack. The poor creature was terrified and trembling (most likely out of embarrassment). Why? How can a real person actually be that cliche? If I ever turn into a walking cliche someone please (please!) stop me!

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