Monthly Archives: July 2008

Some Things are Taboo for a Good Reason

Mark’s parents are in town. Well, not IN town but at a cottage (camp!) outside of the city. Last night we drove the 2o minutes to visit and, even though the scenery is very Ken Danby -esque, we avoided the junky weather by playing board games indoors. Everyone more or less enthusiastically took to Taboo. For those unfamiliar with this classic players are broken into teams and each person takes turns trying to get their team to guess words on a card. The kicker is that you have to describe it and can use personal anecdotes, etc. but each has a list of 5 ‘Taboo’ words that you cannot use. For example, in describing The Dark Knight you couldn’t say Gotham, Movie, Batman, the Joker, Heath Ledger (if only it was that up to date!)

All this explanation for one of the best moments of my life (in terms of hilarity). Mark and I made up one team and his parents and sister created the other. We were annoyingly good at the game using all types of shared experiences and anecdotes.

I get the word Career and it is up to Mark to guess.

Me: “I haven’t started this”
Mark (interrupting me): YOUR PERIOD!
Me: ….yet

His mom missed the comment however it wasn’t lost on anyone else. Best line ever, especially when remembering that Mark is a fairly introverted person (especially around his fam). I’m not sure how happy he is going to be with this story on the internet.


I feel like a giant hickory stick

I lathered, rinsed and repeated. I let the conditioner sit for an extended period of time. I scrubbed. Twice. I STILL smell like campfire. Hopefully it is subtle enough that no one at work today connects the scent to me.

Most of the time it rained or threatened rain. Pancake Bay (where our church rented three group camp sites) is notorious for having cold water which it lived up to. I spent about 10 minutes in the water, in my clothing, mostly to make sure that I swam at least once all weekend.

One of the most popular topics on conversation in tent-city, where we all huddled to avoid the rain, was The Dark Knight. There is little left to say about the film that hasn’t been said and a review would be somewhat redundant. Yes, Heath Ledger as the Joker was easily the best part of the film. Yum, Christian Bale as Batman. “Want to see me make this pencil disappear?”

Calm is my middle name

My little brother turned 16 a few weeks ago. Last week he called me at work to brag that he passed his G1 test AND drove home. With a whole 7 days of driving to his name I only had images of slight disfigurement (instead of a painful, horrible death) and said yes when asked if we could reverse driving roles and he take me to work instead of the opposite; Are you walking the dog or is the dog walking you scenario?
It really was just around a few corners and jail cell lengths down a busy street but I was fairly self-congratulatory as I tested my breathing and listened intently at my pulse. Not even on edge. I was the cool sister, cucumberesque. The only giveaway was that I kept reaching up and clasping the seatbelt that crossed my chest.

Silver Medal Club

There is a club (unofficial) that meets in the four venue food court of the mall I work in. The only criteria for membership are either physical or subjective.
If the majority of these apply you’re in!

1. Bifocals: you can’t see far away and you can’t read close up.
2. Grey hair (not just one or two but many). Died counts.
3. Cotton pant suits in bright or pastel colours. (Have flood pants in light green with pleats down the front?)
4. Hearing aid and/or dentures
5. Enjoy walking back and forth repetitively for exercise
6. Retired (bonus points if what you retired from was teaching)
7. Wallet/purse with photos of grandchildren
8. Plenty of complaints (mostly physical, weather or government related; extra points if you have arthritis pains from the weather and the government isn’t covering the medical claims)

That is it, if you check off four or more then you are in. Show up before the mall opens, grab some comfy walking shoes and a coffee.

If that is retirement I don’t look forward to it. Although I never thought I would like going to bed early or garage saling. Maybe waking up before dawn to meet the mall club is as inevitable as switching to elastic pants after a certain (for comfort of course).

You Hear it but you Don’t really Know

After one boy and one girl are selected to leave So You Think You Can Dance each Thursday evening our Fox station switches to the local news, which in our area is Detroit and Rochester. It is beyond painful to watch but for about 10 minutes I did just that like I watch obese people on TV eat junk food.

Scenario 1: A severely overweight white lady with WAY-TOO-BLOND hair is interviewed while she waits alone in line to be served $1.50 per gallon gas as part of some white republican’s campaign for office of something or other. (From memory) “It is sure worth the wait for us SUV drivers” Ok, that isn’t really a quote but a paraphrase with the thick accent she was carrying.

Scenario 2: ‘Special’ interest story out of Mobile (pronounced: Mo-beel), Alabama. A group of people have spotted a Leprechaun and now hoards of onlookers wait for nightfall to catch a glimpse of the Leprechaun in the tree. One man claims that he plans to rip down the tree for a pot of gold. Another (with a mouth full of gold teeth) claims he believes! Believes!

Scenario 3: Merchants lament in a city hall meeting about the inevitable future downfall of their massive indoor shopping complex (aka a mall aka capitalist depression/ADD/social anxiety disorder maker). Why is this decline inevitable? Because of an increase in the sales tax by 3 EIGHTS OF ONE PERCENT! Oh no, people will feel it, they will stop shopping at the mall, property taxes will go up pushing prices up further and then they will never go back to the mall! Ever!

Although a little too dramatic for my liking it probably would even be good if the mall just shut’er down.

And a little treat from an hilariously fun tee website “Busted Tees“. Think “saved by the Bell”

N’SYNC with NG

For the past two issues of National Geographic Magazine sent to my home as part of my subscription birthday gift from Mark (shout out) there have been featured destinations that I have actually seen. Yes, NG has probably featured 97% of the globe but I couldn’t relate before. Last month (actually right before we left) there was a story about Stonehenge in preparation of our trip. This month there is the Salt Flats in Uyuni, Bolivia (or Alitplano as they called it). It is incredible to see things in NG that I have stood directly in front of myself, that I felt the strong gusts of wind and smelled the horrible smell of the flamingo poo.