After one boy and one girl are selected to leave So You Think You Can Dance each Thursday evening our Fox station switches to the local news, which in our area is Detroit and Rochester. It is beyond painful to watch but for about 10 minutes I did just that like I watch obese people on TV eat junk food.
Scenario 1: A severely overweight white lady with WAY-TOO-BLOND hair is interviewed while she waits alone in line to be served $1.50 per gallon gas as part of some white republican’s campaign for office of something or other. (From memory) “It is sure worth the wait for us SUV drivers” Ok, that isn’t really a quote but a paraphrase with the thick accent she was carrying.
Scenario 2: ‘Special’ interest story out of Mobile (pronounced: Mo-beel), Alabama. A group of people have spotted a Leprechaun and now hoards of onlookers wait for nightfall to catch a glimpse of the Leprechaun in the tree. One man claims that he plans to rip down the tree for a pot of gold. Another (with a mouth full of gold teeth) claims he believes! Believes!
Scenario 3: Merchants lament in a city hall meeting about the inevitable future downfall of their massive indoor shopping complex (aka a mall aka capitalist depression/ADD/social anxiety disorder maker). Why is this decline inevitable? Because of an increase in the sales tax by 3 EIGHTS OF ONE PERCENT! Oh no, people will feel it, they will stop shopping at the mall, property taxes will go up pushing prices up further and then they will never go back to the mall! Ever!
Although a little too dramatic for my liking it probably would even be good if the mall just shut’er down.
And a little treat from an hilariously fun tee website “Busted Tees“. Think “saved by the Bell”