Ladies with Brooms

Moving to the West I made a big list of fun times and new experiences.  Life-enriching moments if you will.  And near the top of that list was Curling.  So I joined a fun league and play every Tuesday night.  If I say I’m busy Tuesday then I’m sliding down the ice on my “slippy shoe”*.  You may be surprised to find out that curling actually requires quite a bit of skill.  Lots of that is figuring out how hard to throw the rock, how much to turn it, and how to fall gracefully.  I haven’t mastered any of those things.

I’ve even been reading up on the game (I was going to say “sport” but don’t want to start any arguments).  While on my trip back to TO for graduation I found myself exploring a street near where I was staying and found a box of FREE STUFF.  FREE.  Just waiting for me at the top was a “Curling for Dummies” book.  It was fate.

Some curling terms:
House:  the whole bulls-eye painted under the ice
Button:  the very middle circle
Draw:  to put the rock in the house
Sweep: the crazy action of sweeping really fast in front of the rock in the belief that the harder you sweep the less the rock will “curl” off to one side or another – I’m not yet convinced.  But then again, I haven’t reached the sweeping chapter in my Dummies book.
Skip:  the person on the team who calls all the shots
Hurry hard!!!! what you get to yell as loud as you want to encourage vigorous sweeping

Mostly I enjoy the banter.  The cooperativeness (it is a very polite game).  And the fact that curling lends itself so well to Happy Gilmore quotes.
“Go home!  Are you too good for your home?”
“Just tap it in.  Just tap it in.  Give the ol’ tap tap tapperoo”

Curling is winter’s golf:  it really does take skill but you can play even if you spend the other 166 hours in the week eating cheetos and watching HD tv.  You can also reach your peak at age 67.  This sport is my last chance to make the Olympics.  Iqaluit 2042 here I come!

*Every time I say or think “slippy shoe” I then begin to sing “damn, that’s a slippy shoe. That’s a slippy shoe” to myself – it goes to the tune of the “Sexy B*tch** song.
**I don’t know why it is always vowels that get starred out in “curse” words.  Really, if you want to disguise the word it would be the least effective way to do so since the consonants are more at the heart of most English words.  Removing vowels still make many words fairly recognizable when we attempt to slur the consonants together – school = sch-l, pen = pn, flower = flwr.  See?  Try blocking out random consonants and the words aren’t as easy to recognize – ca, reote, awl.  Did you guess that those were cab, remote and crawl?  It may be better off writing “*itch, or shi*.  Ok, swears are still recognizable but there is some doubt and I don’t automatically pronounce properly in my head.  But swears don’t offend me so I don’t care either way.  

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